Grandma goes to court

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Posted on 28th March 2010 by Tony in Random

This came across my email yesterday and I thought I’d share the chuckle with you. It’s probably fake, but how glorious if it’s true … wisdom comes with age! :-)

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘ Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’


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Pastel Accounting – Software Dinosaur

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Posted on 24th March 2010 by Tony in Rant

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I have been a reluctant user of Pastel Accounting since 2007. This is because every bookkeeper, accountant and SARS themselves tell you that you need to use Pastel. The main reason (compared to quickbooks) is that you can’t edit transactions once they have been processed. It leaves electronic paper-trails, which apparently is what SARS likes.

Let me not beat around the bush. I hate Pastel. It is the most irritating and frustrating piece of software ever created – specifically designed to make the average user feel absolutely stupid and fuel the egos of aforementioned accountants and bookkeepers.

For instance, when you draw a statement for a client it is not chronological (as one would think) nor it is arranged in any way that resembles logical thought. This means that one has to “hunt” through a statement to pair up payments and invoices. Why?

But the reason for my rant of the day is this:

Last week some time (is it only a week, it feels like a year?) my trusty 7 year old XP computer was chomped up by a malicious trojan. The only reason I keep a Microsoft PC is because Pastel does not support MAC OSX or cloud computing (thin client/browser based). So in my otherwise perfect world AKA Mac-ville, I had to go out and buy a new PC – which came with Windows 7 Home Basic.

Install Pastel – sorry, we need to have Outlook. No, not Mozilla or a plethora of other email clients, it must be OUTLOOK for Pastel to work. R1700 later for the entry-level office-suite with Outlook … only to discover that my pervasive database doesn’t work on windows 7 (you did know that Pastel needs pervasive didn’t you? Stupid phleb for not knowing).

OK, so I need an upgrade patch … R960 for that. Extortion. After I pay the invoice I phone the Support Centre. Right, where’s the link so I can download it?

No, sir, we ship the produce on CD.

Say whaaaaaat?

4-10 day delivery. Besides the fact that today is 24 March. I have to send off invoices, I now have to wait for a frigging CD to ship? PASTEL PLEASE WAKE UP – IT’S 2010 not 1985.

If you want to run business (any business) on the Internet … consider:

  1. That your product works across all platforms.
  2. That (preferably it’s cloud based).
  3. People can pay by Credit Card.
  4. Delivery is immediate by download.

R6700 later and I am still unable to send off an email. That could very well be a new lounge suite (which I need) or a holiday to Victoria Falls (which I want).

I cannot, for the life of me, understand why we’re expected to use software like Pastel. Please, go and die gracefully like all the other dinosaurs.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Sometimes I just feel like running away

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Posted on 24th March 2010 by Tony in Random

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Do you ever feel just a little overwhelmed? Like there’s too much to do and far too little time. Today has been completely unproductive because I feel exactly like that – completely and utterly overwhelmed by it all. Besides falling way behind on my recording and my seminars, I need to finish my book, rebuild a blog and train new staff.

Sometimes it’s necessary to just step out of the situation and evaluate things from the outside and usually I’m very good at that, but today it’s a little too much!

So, what do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed by circumstances?

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